So it's been a little while since I have had the inspiration for a public weblog. But here it goes. . .

It's been almost four weeks now since I left the warm and charming air of North Carolina to reside in the winter chapped lands of Pittsburgh PA. Everyday brings a new emotion from excitement and anticipation to boredom and insanity. I've experienced cabin fever and sadness. Everyday I miss the people I can no longer see and then I wish and wonder if I can find the strength to walk this road. The road less traveled. The road God called me to. In all this I do not doubt whether I heard from the Lord or not. I know His voice all to well to really even consider that, but sometimes I do fear if I can become more then I am now and accomplish something extraordinary for my life. And at the same time fear that I will not accomplish anything with my life. I've experienced the hightened loneliness simply because I'm not distracted by all the friends and activities I have once had.

I have attened PCO every Sunday since arriving and I love it. Although it is hard to connect with people right away I love the hearts of the family and the direction the church wants to go. They understand hard times, and they understand a life with Christ is not an easy fix. They know it is difficult but they love Christ because they understand who Christ is and what he has done for them. They worship undignified and I love it. They believe and I love it. And I am convinced that not only does God have a huge purpose for them but that he is about to answer specific prayers they have been praying for awhile. And I am excited to see the supernatural I believe will happen. Every Sunday it seems as though they speak what God has already spoken to me and that is just continual encouragement that I am walking in the right direction.

Let me tell you something. . In all this I have learned that obedience is hard at times and can tear your heart in two but somehow it softens you. It makes you more dependant on the ONE TRUE GOD! And a love forms that is as strong as death.

I have not worked since I have been here and love it . . lol. . I don't believe I have had this kind of rest for years. It's hard to just sit and not feel like you need to be moving and busy. . but really it is rejuvinating. I spend my days watching the food network and discovery channels after waking up late in the afternoon. When we stay in a scrabble game is usually in the books and if we go out I get to see my nephews and family. Or the movies. Which I do miss being able to do.

I have been challenged being back here in many ways. You start to remember things. And your challenged to be strong in who you have become instead of letting the apathy of who you were seep back into your viens. In every step you need God and in every moment you need God you grow closer to him.

My dreams have been off the chain crazy again and I really can't remember them all in detail but they are definately unusual.

My brother and I are working on some songs and I desire to hold a free worship concert sometime this summer.

I'm looking foward to Kenya in 010 and love hearing any talk about it. I have found myself talking about Kenya alllllllllllll the time and almost everything reminds me of being there. There are so many things I miss about Kenya. Who knows. . maybe one day I'll live there for a lil while.

Anyway. . All in all things are going well. I am still living with the rents till I can get some kind of income in and have an apartment complex that I am looking into. Hopefully soon I'll be able to host girl nights and bible studies in my own home.

God speed! 

I remember all the little things you've said to me along our walk. I remember you telling me that you were preparing things and when you were finished you would open the floodgates and everything would just fall into place. And it is as you have said. . .

I remember mourning because my Spirit knew what I had yet to hear from you. I remember the promises you have made. The dreams you have placed in me the hope that I found somewhere inside. I know you have heard my prayers. Here I am in the middle of existence no greater then any other. . and you hear me. . and you walk with me. . and you surprise me. . and you cry with me. . .and you comfort me. . . and you push me. . . and you carry me. . .

And I love you for that. I love being yours. . and I love you being mine. . and nothing can seperate your love from me. I have experienced no greater love then yours. . . My heart is so full of emotions I don't know what to feel . . . I can only cry. . . and I don't have to say one word to you. . because you already know. . and you are here. . with me. . This love I feel between you and me is more then me. . . I feel like I am about to explode. . Thank you. .

I have been craving this love from you. . this love that seemed like I just couldn't feel. . . and here. . in the middle of nowhere. . during an ordinary day. . you are pouring it down to me. . thank you!

I have no idea what is to come. . . but I'm with you. . . I can't say I will always be strong but you will be my strength. . I can't say I'll always be happy but you will be my joy. . I can't say I will ever know what to say but you will be my words. . .

is it possible to be closer to you? if so. . .I want that. . even though I'm sure my physical body could not handle that much of you. . can we push the lines? I want you I need you. . .